WHO KNEW THAT KOALA BEARS LIKED TO DANCE by Amrita Pal

Nikki Erickson is a competitive pole dancer who even has a non-human fan, a koala, that came into her home and failed trying to “dance” up her pole, thinking that it was a tree.

Larissa, the koala bear that tried to climb up the pole, had gotten lost looking for a tree to finally be able to climb up on. Builders have been cutting down trees and ruining it for the animals. Because of this man-made disaster that didn't let poor Larissa carry out her pole-dancing dreams, Nikki Erickson had a special surprise awaiting her as she walked into her living room. Let’s hope that she liked koalas, otherwise she was in for quite a treat. As the koala sat at the bottom of the pole, Erickson was able to catch this phenomenon on video one year ago and made it public recently so everyone could watch this irregular incident. Larissa was finally able to carry out her dream of being famous for pole-dancing!

After living her dream, Larissa was returned to the wild healthy and happy and went back to the actual trees.

Ghost Terrorizes Shangri-La Beach!!!!! by Nathan Wu

    Last Saturday a ghost was spotted on the Shangri-la beach. It resembled a girl that had long hair and extremely scarred face features.

    Witnesses say that it was the ghost of the girl that died in the Shangri-la fire in 1923. According to Smith a witness. It whirled around and moaned a little bit.

Paranormal ghost hunter Joad Davies says “ It’s a reminisce of the terrible Shangri-la fire that was caused by a bonfire on the beach.

    However, Skeptical ghost hater, Guy Stewart claims that ghosts are fake. He says that there is nothing to fear since all ghosts were once humans. However, no one knows whether they exist or not yet.

Martian Hackers Distributing US Secrets to Russia! by Sam Dirkswager

Mars has been found to have been hacking the US government, and distributing all information they find to Russia, including the records kept by the NSA of all American citizens’ phone calls and text messages, and security camera footage throughout the nation from the last 10 years. In turn, Russia is hacking Hillary Clinton’s email to support Donald Trump, who is actually half-Martian, reveals a captured Martian hacker.
“We are hoping if Martian gets as leader of America we will control,” said the alien Friday. “Then we kill rest of world.”
While the NSA has been monitoring everything you do already anyway, be aware that now Russia and Mars do as well.

Flying Tigers Attack Women in Beijing! by Sam Dirkswager

Flying Siberian Tigers escaped from a wildlife park in Beijing mauled several women to death before they even got out of their cars, reports a Chinese government-run newspaper. Ten women were brutally murdered by the rampaging beasts, which jumped straight through the open doors of the cars as soon as they were opened so the women could get out.
The attack actually occurred at the foot of the Great Wall of China, confirms the Yanqing district government. The tigers jumped down from on top of the wall, appearing to fly. Hundreds of tourists watched from the top of the wall, one even shooting a video of the attack. When the park was phoned, the woman answering said only that the park is closed due to not having recaptured the tigers yet. She also confirmed that the tigers can indeed fly, and are suspected to have escaped to America.
So wherever you go this week, especially on the West Coast, watch your back for flying tiger attacks.

INSANE SWAN ON THE LOOSE BY MADDY EVENSON

In the town of Needham Market in Suffolk an unnamed insane swan is terrorizing locals by annihilating expensive (The $20,000 kind of expensive) model boats and by beating up geese and ducks that happen to cross his path. Cliff Galsworthy, one of the victims of the rampaging swan said: “He just smashes them with his wings. He annihilates them, tries to get on top and sinks them. If you get 30-50 yards away he attacks.” One of the victims even wrote to the queen, pleading her to take action and relocate the swan. But the queen refused. So the swan continues to rampage through Needham Market. What will he do next?

Ants Invade Californian Farm by Finn Rowles

The farmers of The Johnston Family Farm were knocked off their feet yesterday when they found that their farm was invaded overnight by hundreds of thousands of millimeter long ants.  The colonies are said to be thousands to billions of ants.  The ants invaded the the farm in Tumbleweed Town, CF.  The ants are dangerous and are currently being stored in a highly protected Science Lab.  The Johnston family is desperate due to the destruction of their farm.  They are being held in protective custody at a secure witness protection facility after the Queen Ant sent a list of demands to the Canadian government. People are working hard to prevent any ant invasions in the future. Other invasions were reported after the attack in Asia, Europe, South America, Canada, and Australia.  The ants are an undiscovered species, named the Common Farm Ant, also known as Gemeinsamjofus Ameiseus, have been a legend since 100 A.D, but were recently discovered.   

BIGFOOT SIGHTED IN WASHINGTON! PRESIDENT TERRIFIED! by Nathan wu

Last Saturday a Bigfoot was sighted in Washington. According to witnesses it destroyed a table and made some strange baby noises that made people’s hair stand. It then beat its chest several times and ran away. According to the witnesses, Washington is known for bigfoots so this isn’t that unusual. Bigfoot is described as a large, hairy, muscular, bipedal ape-like creature, roughly 2–3 metres (6 ft 7 in–9 ft 10 in) covered in hair described as black, dark brown, or dark reddish. However this Bigfoot that was sighted was Yellow and almost 20 feet tall. According to the witnesses it weighed around 8,000 pounds. The footprints left by it were 60 inches long and 20 inches wide. It seemed like a mutant enlarged Bigfoot.

However Bigfoot proponents Grover Krantz and Geoffrey H. Bourne believed that Bigfoot could be a relic population of Gigantopithecus. According to Bourne, all Gigantopithecus fossils were found in Asia, and, as many species of animals migrated across the Bering land bridge, it is not unreasonable to assume that Gigantopithecus might have as well.

It also is clearly possible that the Bigfoot was a hoax and was imagined or it was a man inside a gigantic Gorilla costume. Although no one would be stupid enough to dress in a gigantic gorilla costume.

Bigfoot also has been sighted from the Himalayas to Japan. So they might have migrated to the U.S. or it might have been a escaped mutant Gorilla or an escaped Gorilla from the zoo.

Bigfoot witness said, "I was thrown down a cliff by Bigfoot."

The witness died before he told the rest of the story.

Giant Tarantula Invades Boston, Massachusetts by Arushi Devgun

A giant tarantula as big as a 26-story skyscraper has been spotted in Boston, Massachusetts. Scientists think the giant tarantula may have evolved from oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico. “It just trampled the Boston Light with its hairy leg.” A witness said.” It stole my candy!” A five-year old complained. Currently, the giant tarantula is being kept in contamination in a steel terrarium where it is being highly studied by professional scientists. One of the professional scientists, found a device that can talk to any species of spider. He put the device into the terrarium, but it backfired. The tarantula broke out but it got captured before it wrecked havoc on the city once again. Shortly, after the incident with the tarantula, 300 people were reported dead, and 745 people were badly injured...

A CHICKEN THE SIZE OF THE SUN by Grace Kaung

In 2000, a chicken named Awesomesauce grew to the size of the USA and had to be sent into space because of its immense size, today the chicken is reported to be around the size of the sun and should still be growing!

Awesomesauce started as a average sized chick, but continued to grow until it became the size of the USA and weighed over 100,000 lbs, by then the chicken was living in the ocean, where the farmer would bring 10 tons of bird feed.

Once the chicken reached this size, it was decided that Awesomesauce was too big to continue living on Earth. In 2000, Awesomesauce was launched into space with an air mask and plenty of chicken feed. Awesomesauce is now living between Jupiter and Saturn. Every couple years scientists sent more food and essential things to Awesomesauce.

Awesomesauce is still living and has grown to the size of the sun! Scientist think that this truly awesome chicken might continue to grow even bigger than our sun.

Our next problem is, Awesomesauce is so big, that he now has a gravity pull on everything around it. Awesomesauce might have our sun and solar system rotating around him instead of the sun!

Trump Convicted by Nathan Wu

 Last Saturday a dead dog was found on the Streets. After quite a bit of testing it was found out to be Trump’s dog.  In an autopsy, it was found to have eaten pieces of chocolate, cyanide and marijuana. Trump is being held under custody and is currently denying the dog found was his dog. Although he does say that his dog was missing Friday night. He says that his body was so mangled that there is no proof. Only Speculation.

His lawyer says that even if his dog did disappear and die on Friday Night. It wouldn’t have been so decayed and mangled. But one thing for certain is that the dog found and Trump’s dog are the same breed. Even though Hillary also has the same breed dog as Trump there is no proof it’s Hillary’s dog. However Cruz also could’ve killed his dog. His dog disappeared over 2 months ago.That’s long Enough for that much decomposition. Only 2 suspects remain Cruz and Trump. A third party alien, P'lod is also under investigation.

Stay tuned for the next chronicle of suspects.

Pokemon Go Doing Police Officer’s Jobs? by Mariam A. Kravchenko

A Pokemon Go player who was trying to “catch ‘em all” ended up getting caught by police. A wanted man playing Pokemon Go was caught standing by a flagpole in his pajamas right in front of the Police Station - which also happens to be a Pokemon Gym. Pokemon Go led him right to the Station, where Police Officers arrested him.

“I think he was more upset that he had to stop playing the game than that he was caught!,” says the Police Chief.

24-year-old William Wilcox was arrested Thursday morning for an outstanding arrest warrant after police in Milford, Michigan, saw him playing Pokemon Go outside of the station, which is also a Pokemon gym.

Neon Pink Monkey and Fruit spotted in South America by Grace Kaung

Family of 4 spot a neon pink monkey on their trip to Brazil, South America while on a hike through the rain forest.

A monkey was seen in a brazilian rainforest where a family was taking a hike on vacation. The Father says that they had heard a sound that came from above them. They found that the source of the sound was a Neon pink monkey that was throwing strange pink fruit that they had never seen before at the family. The family was frightened and ran away. They managed to take one blurry picture of the scene they saw. The picture was too blurry for the scientists to identify the species of monkey.
The family does not remember the exact place of the sighting, but they do recall the rainforest trail they took. The scientist are currently trying to get a glimpse of this mysterious pink monkey or the pink fruit. Unfortunately the scientist have not yet seen these peculiar pink species.
Scientists are trying to find this monkey and the fruit. This might be a discovery of a new species of rare monkey and a new type of fruit, or it could be the new big foot.

Giant Monkey Destroys San Fracisco by Arjun Taneja

A giant monkey has just destroyed the city of San Francisco. This beast was first spotted walking on the golden gate bridge and causing a massive pileup. The monkey then moved on into the city and started ripping up buildings and throwing them, to no avail of the civilians running for cover.

The monkey also has an immense craving for bananas

The monkey was reported to saying “BANANAS” while smashing a grocery store in search for his treasure. Scientists fear that this monkey is just passing through San Francisco to go to Florida which produces the most bananas in the US. Pray for San Francisco.